Neglected blog, I am sorry ): I really didn't feel like writing anything in the last few days or had anything really to write about.. BUT, I am back with a few things to rant talk about, teehee. Well, yesterday was Johnny's tenth birthday party!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHICKENLEGS ♥

He knows his sister loves him (; His birthday is actually on the 26th but I forgot to mention that in my previous post because of my frustration.. Meh.. Well, his party was pretty enjoyable even for me this year, despite how much cleaning I had to do before and after the party LOL. Zaynna, Felicity and I went a little hyper with the kiddies at certain times (I think it was the sugar from the ice cream cake?) I ended up sleeping at 1 because that was around the time the last guest left :| The disadvantages of family friends! Overall, it was pretty good (Y) Next year, however, it's not taking place at the house anymore LOL. Sorry Johnny but I am not cleaning that much again.

Well with all this happening I finally realized how soon school will be starting and guess what? IT SUCKS. Only 8 days left until going back to early mornings and sleepless nights, stressing over marks and grades. And that's not all that I don't want to deal with. There's the new freshies that are coming in this year. I'm not ready to deal with all their arrogant attitudes and annoying little selves. I hate how they think so big of themselves now -___-" Seriously, now I know how it must have felt for the older kids when we entered highschool. Okay, annoying freshmen aside, there's also the problem of losing sleep in general. I am averaging 10+ hours of sleep right now. If I keep this up when school starts, I have to sleep at.. eight pee em. WTF. School really screws up your sleep schedule ): Then there's the whole university fairs and info sessions that I actually have to attend this year to help decide my already-decided-anyways future. Fantastic.

I have to enjoy what's left of my summer. Boy-spotting with my exwifey at Vmall tomorrow. Swimming the next day (?) To the zoo for Kace's birthday on Friday. And.. the rest is yet to be planned LOL. But trust me, I won't be home. That's for sure.

"This is my depressed stance. When you're depressed, it makes a lot of difference how you stand. The worst thing you can do is straighten up and hold your head high because then you'll start to feel better. If you're going to get any joy out of being depressed, you've got to stand like this."
- Charlie Brown

^ How smart of him to enjoy life as it comes, even the worst parts.

Quite a few things have happened since my last post. The best friend's back from her romantic summer escapade in Jamaica, the driving skills are slightly improving and unfortunately, the unmentionable problem has returned. My snappy, bad mood has returned as it always does when this happens :| The dull, lifeless and sarcastic me is back in the game after a long rest. ALSDKFJLSAKDJFLSD, I hate it so much, I feel like a helpless, stupid kid again, yet I am 16 for crying out loud. Not that yelling anything out loud in this house will get me heard. The defensive sarcasm is kicking in and the stupid anxiety issue is coming back. Fingers crossed that my recklessness doesn't start to come back as well. Old habits die hard though. Ugh, I WISH THEY WOULD JUST SHUT UP ALREADY. It's driving me completely insane. It's times like these when I wish the next two years will pass by as quickly as possible.

I think I need to bleach my brain.

I survived being in a car driven by my friend who only has his G1 today... I was secretly praying the whole time. What?! I'm too young to die (: It just makes me want to drive now! But my parent's are too busy to practice with me... Not to mention that they don't trust me behind the wheel (I don't trust myself either.) It's okay though, come October, driving school (Y) Then, when November rolls around, I can take the G2 test... AND THEN I CAN DRIVE, MUAHAHA. Hopefully, I don't lose license as soon as I get it LOL.

PS. I got those GD nerd glasses I wanted! AND, I ordered the laptop bag I wanted too 8) Now I just want driving practice!
PPS. I think I am banning myself from fast food as of today :P Yes, trying to be healthy calls for sacrifice.. Even if that sacrifice is.. yummy oily foods..

I admit to being extremely lazy the last few days ): I could have went to the movies but declined not only because my mom had other plans but secretly because I just didn't feel like doing anything that required me to move. However, I did make up for that day by going out today (: I went swimming with Felicity, Ye-Eun and River, teehee. AND I finally got over my fear of diving! Woot, now all I have to do is make it look graceful and pretty.. On top of that, we had a lot of fun hanging out in that abandoned martial arts room eating oreos, licorice and peach candy (; Once again, I attempted to do a very horrible version of Sorry, Sorry in front of the gigantic mirrors and failed just like last time.. Then, River and Ye-Eun came over to my house for food LOL. We ate ramen and ice cream and ummm, other junk food that probably wasn't good for us.. Oh and, yeah, we got the rain before catching the bus to my house -__-" Toronto weather SUCKS BALLS. Good thing the electricity at my house didn't go out like other people's, hehe ;D Suckers. After the rain stopped we dropped the two at downsview station and went to my aunts house to snatch up some food LOL. Today was fun and apparently me and Felicity are going swimming tomorrow again LOOOL. I think I see my gills starting to form...
Wow, I am really going to miss summer when it's over :|

PS. I MET A CHINESE PERSON MY AGE WHO LIVES/D IN ITALY AND CAN SPEAK FLUENT ITALIAN! I want to learn Italian... But I have to learn French first ^^"

So today, I'm feeling oddly happy and confident. I feel as if nothing in the world can take me down (: Thus, taking advantage of this mood, I am ready to make a final decision about the issue that's been in the back of mind. I think today is the day I will finally let him go. It's a relief to be able to write this down. It feels more official when I can see it written before my eyes. But yeah, I think that it's been long enough. Always waiting for change to come because I was too scared to do anything. Letting this awkward rift between us grow and grow while I constantly regret my actions or lack thereof. I've held onto this for longer than needed. Time to just leave it be as a memory. I will remember this always and learn from it. No need to dwell on the past anymore. Time to look towards the future without hesitation. I will be happy without him :)

Today, I officially got rid of my annoying, excessively long bangs! Yay. Except now my new "half-straight, half-side-sweep bangs" need to be "getting used to" :P They're a little wierd.. I kinda want them to grow out so I can trim it.. I know, I know, always complaining aren't I? >< Well, after 2 hours of snips and sprays at the salon, we went to asian central, aka. PMALL ! LOL. It was FUNNNN, though we mostly ate. LOL. That counts as fun too! We took pictures (the first for Felicity), drank bbt (until our stomachs were going to EXPLODE), bought paper star papers (huh?) and complained about the heat (30+ degrees! WHO WOULDN'T?!) While window shopping, I came across.. my new coveted item. As of today, I REALLY REALLY REALLLLLLY WANT GD GLASSES! Something like these:



THOSE, I REALLY WANT THEM :'| They are to become my permanent accessory to take attention off my wierd bangs until they grow out :X HOWEVER, the ones at pmall were SOOO EXPENSIVE (well not really but I didn't have enough to spare) They were $19-25 TT_____TT" I am saving any money I get from now on for those.. I AM GETTING THOSE GLASSES NO MATTER WHAT.

I keep telling myself that I will distance myself from you once and for all. It's not working. When given the opportunity just to have even brief contact with you, I'll take it. I'll pounce on that opportunity just because I might have a chance at finding a way to mend things between us and having things back to how it was before. WHY? WHY AM I SO PATHETIC? Clearly, you don't have any interest in contacting me in any way anymore.. So why do I keep trying?! It's so stupid. My subconscious is still attached to you :/ When I go to places, even if there's a one in a million chance you're there, I will keep an eye out just in case you are there. If I get a text message, I hope that maybe, just maybe, it's you who decided to break the awkwardness between us and just "talk" like we used to. I need to make a final clean break. Just not yet...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XxBoZbX155A&fmt=18

Everytime I watch this "Love in the Ice Performance" by DBSK.. I can't help but feel so emotional.. Maybe their sincerity or emotions while singing make me speechless. The fact that I love them might contribute to it as well. But it's not just that, the lyrics of the song are just.. so.. touching. Some might think it's cheesy but you know what? I LIKE IT ):< HMPH. So tell me why these lyrics make me cry?

It's not your fault these hands are cold.
Clinging onto the scars of the past.
Afraid to love someone,
turning your back on the true meaning of the story.

The heart that is embraced slowly melts like ice.

To be loved by someone. By anyone.
It makes life in this world shine.
If it was me, I would make your heart once again,
warm with undying love.

Fate's play, even though it makes your heart ache,
when the tears end,
a single ray of light will shine in the darkness.
We can grasp it.

We can feel the fierce painful touch of a person's warmth.

Everyone is searching for a refuge to mend their
sorrow and loneliness.
Yes, for you that place is here.
Don't worry, don't falter anymore.
I will protect you.

Because it is a love... (my love)
As beautiful... (don’t be afraid)
As it is painful... (let you know my love)
This beautiful, beautiful time, it is ephemeral... (you know… let you know my love)

To be loved by someone. By anyone.
It makes life in this world shine.
If it was me, I would make your heart once again,
warm with undying love.

I am terribly exhausted from a day at Felicity's. It was realllllly fun today. Drinking litres of disgusting chlorine pool water, dancing the Sorry Sorry dance in front of a large mirror in an abandonned creepy martial arts room that had this creaky punching bag, running under my damp towel through the rain, "ROFL" from Yehsung's retarded "Sailor Venus" arm movement thingie and showing off my celerey cutting skills to Felicity LOOL. (: THIS is what summer's all about. I can't wait to start hanging out with all my other girls <3 Although I am SO VERY late cause summer started more than a month ago, it's better late than never, no? (:

HAHAHAHAHA 2PM BOYS ARE SO CUTE ! I found out that Nickhun speaks English pretty well... Hmm... I would have a higher chance communicating with him, hehehe >:) However, I still can't get over Super Junior ! THEY ARE JUST TOO RIDICULOUSLY CUTE. It makes my day just to watch these silly boys. I'm off to Felicity's later on today (I'm finally going out!)

I am back on this thing again because I have nothing better to do other than rant about problems I could potentially and easily fix (: First off, I just found out that the books my mom, brother and I checked out have actually been overdue longer than we though. MUCH longer than we thought. Oh, how long? The overdue fee was over forty dollars... LOL. o__o" I COULD HAVE GONE TO THE MOVIES 3 TIMES WITH THAT MONEY. Oh well, at least we're helping to stimulate the economy? ^^" I am currently trying to take my mind off this expensive "ooopsie" situation (yes, that's what I call them!) by watching 2PM stuff. I am starting to like them ;D LOL (after 1 month of my two friends telling me to learn to love them) ESPECIALLY the baby face of the group Nickhun (; He is absolutely adorable! But I don't know too much about him/them yet.. Not enough to declare him an official obsession of mine (of which includes Kyuhyun and Yunho) Yeah, I know, I kind of got over TOP ;\ ALRIGHTY, back to watching WildBunny with 2PM.



^ I found this SO cute!
Ironic how Heechul - the boy kisser -
of Suju shies away from the kiss the little boy gave (;

PS. You can see Kyu's smile in the back!!!
Kangin's in the back enjoying Heechul's discomfort LOL

So it's been more than a week since I left the house to go and hang out with friends and I am bored out of my mind! I need to get out of the house soon ): I missed out on an opportunity yesterday when I didn't go to a friend's birthday party! I can't wait to hear all the wild stories this time though (: Hehe... So what have I been doing at home? In my spare time, I re-read Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows and tried to imagine how it would look like on the big screen. Can't say I'm too excited to see Snape showing affection to Harry's mom o_____o" It's kind of wierd.. If it were me, I think I would sort of be scarred for life. Well, Harry is scarred but his scar comes in the form of a lightning bolt. HAHAHAHAHA. Wow. That. Was. Incredibly. Lame... SEE. All this being cooped up in the house is getting to me. AHHHH. My sanity is on the verge of breaking! ): I NEED TO GET OUT SOON. Perhaps next week I will start planning things to do (maybe because I keep putting off planning things is why I'm still stuck here). Time to get ready for Johnny's grading ceremony, he's going up to yellow belt :P I wish I had a productive hobby.

I AM BRACE-LESS FOR THE FIRST TIME IN FOUR LONGGG YEARS and I love it (: I feel so free HAHAHAHA. Only someone whose had braces before will understand this feeling! Time to go show off my metal-free, extraordinarily straight teeth :D

Since I have been at home doing nothing productive at all for the past few days, I've had time to think to myself. Dangerous grounds I know LOL. I should really get myself occupied -___-" But lately I've been thinking.. (here I go again with the useless ranting!)..
Have you ever sat back and wondered why you chose to do the things you did? Like, why you chose to eat that cereal for breakfast instead of the other. Or, why you chose to not go out today and stay home. Why you chose to hang out with that group of friends rather than the other. Why you chose to go to that highschool and not the one where all your friends are going to. Everyone makes tons of choices throughout their whole lives. Choices. Choices. Choices. That's basically what makes us who we are. We are the choices we've made. Minus the whole which cereal you wanted for breakfast today LOL. But as I was saying, choices. There have been many choices that I've made that I really regret now. Sometimes I wonder how different things would have been if I had stopped to think clearly and carefully made my decisions. Maybe I would be happier? Sadder? Less regretful? I can think of one decision, or well, a series of decisions I have made that I wish I could change. If I had been more critical at the time and less reckless with my decisions, maybe I would not be thinking of what could have been. I should learn to forget the past and look forward. It's hard though, it really is. Especially when the "what if"s keep haunting you. The "should've"s "could've"s and "would've"s. The possibilities. Wow, I need to get myself together and learn to leave the past where it's supposed to be, behind me. I need to leave him behind me. Wow, I really sound like the stereotypical over dramatic teen.

Why am I so angry all the time ):< IT'S JUST SO STUPID. Lately, every little thing gets on my nerves and I don't even know why! I spazzed at my mom and brother today for the stupidest things (although I did end up saying sorry) but I don't get it! It's like there this other side of me that likes to be pissed off all the time! AGHHHH. Alter-ego? I think I'm going insane. Do I have anger management issues? I hope not o__o" Maybe I should start meditating or taking yoga. Ew. Yoga. ALKJFASLKDJFLAJSF I need to learn to control myself -__________-"